


diet mountain dew

by fagroy



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Group chat, M/M, Pining, allison n stiles n danny r best friends, except the sheriff n melissa, idk how to tag still, literally nobody acts canon, smd, theyre all happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-10-15 06:50:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17523908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fagroy/pseuds/fagroy
Summary: moonbeam added ducky, hacker voice, and 15 others to 'beacon hell'





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> moonbeam: allison | ducky: stiles  
> hacker voice: danny | scott: boyalpha  
> sparky: kira | screamqueen: lydia  
> wherecoyote: malia | sourwolf: derek  
> dumbar: liam | catwoman: erica  
> boyd: boyd | sourpuppy: cora  
> toerake: theo | gayson: mason  
> snorey: corey | argent: chris  
> papastilinski: sheriff | creeperwolf: peter  
> brony: hayden | jackson: snakeemoji  
> scarf: isaac

_**[ 2:23 am ]** _

 

**moonbeam to ducky, hacker voice**

 

**moonbeam:** my 2 best friends

**moonbeam:** luvs of my life

**moonbeam:** my fellow homos

**moonbeam:** lydia is HOT

**ducky:** yea

**hacker voice:** tru

**moonbeam:** she touched my arm yesterday n i almost CRIED

**ducky:** ur such a bottom

**moonbeam:** and what about it? bitch?

**hacker voice:** be nice u two

**moonbeam:** ugh fine

**ducky:** of course daddy

**hacker voice:** ur grounded

**ducky:** ;((

**moonbeam:** that emoji is u, sad n horny

**ducky:** yea

**hacker voice:** its like 2am why r y'all even awake

**ducky:** the use

**hacker voice:** do u need us to come over?

**ducky:** nah its fine

**moonbeam:** y r u awake danny

**hacker voice:** jst got done w skyping jacks

**ducky:** did u tell him i luv him

**hacker voice:** no bc u dont

**ducky:** yea

 

_**[ 2:46am ]** _

 

**moonbeam:** hey sti,,,,,

**moonbeam:** open ur window

**ducky:**  alli i swear to GOD

**ducky:** ily brt

**hacker voice:** u two better get sum sleep or i'll fight u stiles

**ducky:** y only me

**hacker voice:** allison scares me

**moonbeam:** luv u daddy danny

**hacker voice:** go to sleep

**moonbeam:** imagine a gc of everyone tho

**ducky:** do u want more murders?

**moonbeam:** yea

**ducky:** i swear if u add toe h rake il figh t

 

_**[ 11:43 am ]** _

 

**moonbeam added ducky, hacker voice, and 15 others to 'beacon hell'**

 

**moonbeam:** welcome to hell

**catwoman:** sweet i've always wanted to go

**brony:** why is my nickname brony

**ducky:** u seem like a horse girl

**brony:** understandable

**snakeemoji:** why am i here

**moonbeam:** to revel in my cuteness

**ducky:** i always revel in ur cuteness

**moonbeam:** heart eyes

**ducky:** i luv u

**hacker voice:** if u two were straight u'd be fuckin by now

**moonbeam:** who says we aren't

**screamqueen:** you better not be

**screamqueen:** that would ruin the aesthetic

**dumbar:** tbh idk whos who rn

**moonbeam:** STATE UR NAMES FOR THE DUMB BOY

**dumbar:** thanks allison

**snakeemoji:** no

**scarf:** no

**catwoman:** no

**sourwolf:** no

**brony:** no

**sourpuppy:** no

**dumbar:** thanks guys


	2. Chapter 2

_**[ 12:53pm ]** _

 

_**'beacon hells'** _

 

 **boyalpha:** it sure is mlm/wlw solidarity hours huh fellas

 **moonbeam:** u bet ur ass it is

 **boyalpha:** my bf is so cute idk bout y'all but i'd die for him

 **scarf:** oh u will <3

 **ducky:** oh same i'd die for isaac

 **ducky:** sry i meant isaac will end up killing me

 **scarf:** yea probably

 **boyalpha:** no!! dont do that!!

 **sourwolf:** do any of you have a life or

 **ducky:** not rly, between supernaturals n class i dont do shit

 **sourwolf:** not surprising with you but the others

 **ducky:** EXCUSE

 **sourwolf:** youre excused.

 **sourpuppy:** if y'all don't shut the fuck up i'll gut you

 

**ducky to moonbeam, hacker voice**

 

 **ducky:** i'm in love

 **ducky:** he's my soulmate

 **ducky:** i'll die alone if i can't have him

 **hacker voice:** ask him out

 **ducky:** never in a million years buckeroo

 **moonbeam:** coward

 

**'beacon hells'**

 

 **ducky:** oh cora my dear, u'd never hurt me, who else will watch barbie movies w u

 **sourpuppy:** first of all, i would hurt you, second of all, hayden would

 **ducky:** no she wouldn't

 **brony:** oh yea def would

 **ducky:** traitor


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reminder that i don't condone underage relationships.  
> stiles, scott, allison, lydia, erica, boyd, malia, jackson, danny and isaac are all 18.  
> kira, corey, mason, theo, liam, hayden, and cora are 17.

_**'beacon hells'** _

 

 **boyalpha:** no offense but i want allison to punch derek in the face

 **sourwolf:** if she does i will rip your throat out

 **ducky:** why tho

 **boyalpha:** stole my churro

 **sourwolf:** if it makes you feel any better it was really good

 **boyalpha** : THAT RLY DOESNT

 **sourwolf:** i'm only gonna say this once

 **sourwolf:** uwu

 **ducky:** hPLY FUCKINH SHIT GUYS

 **moonbeam:** IM HAVING AN ANEURYSM

 **boyd:** I think Erica died, and it's your fault.

 **sourwolf:** good

 **boyalpha:** derek is actually trying to end my life

 **boyalpha:** stole my churro and now uwus at me like its no big deal??

 **boyalpha:** fuck you

 **sourwolf:** shrug emoji

 **moonbeam:** stiles is literally on the floor crying i thought u should know

 **screamqueen:** ik you guys are best friends but why are you literally always together

 **moonbeam:** dad had a date at the house tonight so im w my boy

 **sourwolf:** who is your dad dating

 **ducky:** CAN I TELL THEM PLEASE

 **moonbeam:** yea lmao

 **ducky:** its,,,,, Creeperwolf Extraordinaire

 **sourwolf:** oh ew

 **boyalpha:** your dad is like 20% less hot

 **scarf:** excuse me

 **moonbeam:** EXCUSE ME

 **boyalpha:** whoops

 **ducky:** not to me 

 **ducky:** shrug emoji

 **moonbeam:** im gonna kill you two

 **ducky:** do it i got nothing to lose

 **boyalpha:** yea go for it

 **moonbeam:** i trusted you, stiles. i welcomed you into my home. we broke bread together. dad made you a cannoli. and how did you repay my generosity? with a a compliment. a compliment towards my dad. you disrespected me. you disrespected my dad, whom i will show this conversation.

 **ducky:** DID U USE ZOOTOPIA AGAINST ME

 **moonbeam:** yes

 **ducky:** i cant believe u, u know im in love w the fat cat

 **moonbeam:** ur welcome

 **sourwolf:** you mean clawhauser

 **ducky:** wait when did you watch zootopia

 **sourwolf:** cora made me

 **sourpuppy:** damn right i did

 **sourpuppy:** also why clawhauser

 **ducky:** we're both comedic relief so i relate

 **sourpuppy:** oh tru

 **moonbeam:** DONT SAY THAT STILES YOURENOT COMEDIC RELIEF YOURE MY LITTLE DUCKY, MY BABY BOY, MY BEST FRIEND, I LOVE YOU BITCH

 **ducky:** youre a sap

 **moonbeam:** suck my lil pp

 **ducky:** lil pp is my rapper name

 **sourwolf:** god you two are losers

 **ducky:** not as big a loser as you

 **sourwolf:** stiles

 **ducky:** run for my life

 **sourwolf:** yea

 

 ~~~~_**'beacon hells'** _

 

 **dumbar:**  its been twenty minutes is he actually dead

 **sourwolf:** no

 **ducky:** yes

 **sourwolf:** you're fine

 **ducky:** pretty sure im in hell

 **ducky:** so no im not fine

 **sourwolf:** he's fine trust me

 **dumbar:**  ok???

 **hacker voice:** please tell me he's not maimed at least

 **sourwolf:** i might've knocked him over so only a couple bruises

 **ducky:** and a scraped knee

 **hacker voice:** ok so youre fine then

 **ducky:** angery emoji

 **sourwolf:** angery

 **ducky:** suck my lil pp

 

_**ducky to moonbeam, hacker voice** _

 

 **ducky:** NO OFFENSE BUT

 **ducky:** him chasing me was kinda hot

 **hacker voice:** god youre so weird

 **moonbeam:** why dont you like tell him youre into him

 **ducky:** why dont you tell lydia

 **moonbeam:** she already knows lmao we're going on a date

 **ducky:** WHAT THE FUCK WHEN

 **moonbeam:** friday :DD

 **hacker voice:** amazing, now stiles tell derek

 **ducky:** suck my lil pp

 

_**'beacon hells'** _

 

 **snakeemoji:** what the fuck is up with you guys

 **ducky:** most of us are gay what do you expect, hetero

 **snakeemoji:** i've accepted i'm into dudes now, you can't call me that anymore

 **ducky:** oh thank fuck, like it was killing me to interact with a het

 **ducky:** i mean dad n mel are the exception obvs

 **snakeemoji:** i was gonna say

 **hacker voice:** i honestly dont even know who all is gay lmao i went from being the only gay to surrounded by y'all

 **snorey:** oh same dude

 **ducky:** i'm bi but lean towards dudes tbh

 **sourwolf:** same

 **boyalpha:** im gay

 **scarf:** gay

 **screamqueen:** bi, towards girls

 **moonbeam:** gay as can be

 **toe rake:** im gay n liam is bi

 **gayson:** im gay too so like

 **catwoman:** im bi n so is boyd

 **sparky:** im a lesbian :D

 **wherecoyote:** idk all ik is i love my gf

 **sparky:** <3

 **brony:** im gay n so is cora

 **hacker voice:** so literally no hets,, amazing

 **ducky:** we do flock together damn

 **sourwolf:** danny voice: amazing

 **hacker voice:** suck my ass derek

 **ducky:** danny come cuddle me u whore

 **hacker voice:** omw slut

 

**_sourwolf to moonbeam, hacker voice, screamqueen_ **

 

 **sourwolf:** hey

 **sourwolf:** you all know stiles really well/are smart

 **sourwolf:** how do i ask him out/what kind of date would he like

 **moonbeam:** jst ask him to fuck

 **sourwolf:** veto

 **moonbeam:** coward

 **screamqueen:** ask him to go to dinner and bowling or the movies

 **hacker voice:** honestly jst ask, he'll say yes

 **sourwolf:** what if he does, but decides dating me isn't worth his time, or we don't work out and he hates me

 **hacker voice:** he wont dude trust me

 **hacker voice:** also he's asleep and drooled all over me its endearing and gross

 **sourwolf:** amazing

 **moonbeam:** also ok derek listen, he's a sweetheart beneath everything, even if he didn't say yes, he wouldn't let anything come between you

 **moonbeam:** and he will say yes, trust me on that. i know him better than anyone.

 **sourwolf:** okay. i'll trust you on this one, thank you guys

 **screamqueen:** anything for you

 **hacker voice:** ofc man

 **moonbeam:** uwu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we love slow updates in this house, also in the next chapter i'll explain stiles' nickname being set to 'ducky' & finally add in the dads™ n mel


	4. Chapter 4

_**'beacon hells'** _

 

 **dumbar:** so ive been thinking

 **dumbar:** why is stiles' name ducky

 **ducky:** its a secret

 **ducky:** no one will ever know

 **dumbar:** u say that like its bad

 **sourwolf:** is it because he talks a lot

 **sourwolf:** like he's always quacking basically

 **ducky:** clever but no

 **snakeemoji:** thats what i thought tbh

 **boyd:** Allison already told me why.

 **moonbeam:** twas three days before christmas last year, all was well, peaceful.

 **ducky:** betrayal

 **moonbeam:** danny, sti, and i had all gotten together, to give each other gifts. i bought danny tickets to a band, and stiles got detectives comic #27

 **ducky:** i still cherish to this day <3

 **ducky:** but also stop telling them

 **moonbeam:** stiles got us both photo books n knitted us sweaters <3

 **sourwolf:** is there a point to this story

 **moonbeam:**  yes now shut the fuck up derek

 **moonbeam:**  danny got me a copy of my favourite book and got stiles

 **moonbeam:**  a duck onesie

 **moonbeam:**  that he wore

 **ducky:** fuck off it was warm n also suck my lil pp u backstabber

 **moonbeam:** lov u babez

 **sourwolf:** that was anticlimatic

 **catwoman:** do you have pictures tho

 **moonbeam:** not for anyone but me

 **catwoman:** damn.

 **ducky:** man i lov revenge

 **moonbeam:** what

 

_**ducky added argent, papastilinski, and creeperwolf to 'beacon hells'** _

 

 **moonbeam:** you fucking coward stiles i'm gonna piss on your bed

 **creeperwolf:** What in the Hell?

 **argent:** Allison, language.

 **ducky:** get rekt loser

 **moonbeam:** i know how to get past the lock on your window

 **papastilinski:** How?

 **moonbeam:** shit

 **moonbeam:** just kidding sheriff

 **papastilinski:** What exactly is this?

 **sourwolf:** hell on earth

 **papastilinski:** Oh, okay. Who all is in this chat?

 **ducky:** everyone but melissa

 **ducky:** she shouldnt have to deal with this much dumbassery

 **creeperwolf:** That's all you Stiles.

 **ducky:** hey suck my lil pp bitch boy

 **creeperwolf:** Do any of you have manners?

 **dumbar:** no

 **boyalpha:** no

 **screamqueen:** no

 **sourpuppy:** yea no

 **brony:** i do!

 **creeperwolf:** Of course.

 **argent:** Don't you all have something productive to do?

 **toe rake:** not at the moment, but i'm sure i could find something.

 **ducky:** do not say what i think youre going to

 **toe rake:** liam im omw

 **ducky:** fockin disgosting

 **toe rake:** suck my ass

 **ducky:** i will cut your dick off and feed it to you

 **papastilinski:** Stiles, no threatening people in front of cops.

 **ducky:** shit


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also jackson n stiles r rly close in this bc i lov them dont @ me  
> only like nobody knows

**_snakeemoji to ducky_ **

 

**snakeemoji:** hey so like if i were to come visit

 **snakeemoji:** could i stay at yours

 **snakeemoji:** i wanna surprise everyone

 **ducky:** uh of course babez

 **snakeemoji:** hey listen ily but die

 **ducky:** understandable have a nice day

 

**_'_ ** **_beacon hells'_ **

**ducky:** you ever see someone so pretty your heart gets a boner

 **moonbeam:** every time i see you

 **ducky:** aw thanks

 **sourwolf:** that makes 0 sense but also too much sense

 **ducky:** wow derek you agreed with me for once thats amazing

 **sourwolf:** youre still on that

 **ducky:** yes

 **toerake:** whats with you two

 **ducky:** derek said episode 2 of star wars was best

 **ducky:** but its NOT

 **sourwolf:** oh my god let it go

 **ducky:** no

 **scarf:** episode 3 is the best but go off i guess

 **ducky:** EXACTLY

 **boyalpha:** is it bad i still havent actually seen star wars

 **screamqueen:** even i've seen them

 **screamqueen:** but that's bc ali made me watch them

 **hacker voice:** i made jacks watch the movies

 **snakeemoji:** they were ok

 **catwoman:** boyd love star wars his favourite is episode 3

 **sourwolf:** am i ever gonna live this down

 **ducky:** no

 **boyalpha:** why were you guys even arguing about star wars in the first place

 **ducky:** couldn't decide which movie to watch last night

 **sourwolf:** i took lydia's advice and we're already arguing it's not my fault

 **screamqueen:** don't blame me hale its your fault

 **ducky:** aw you asked lydia for advice thats cute

 **moonbeam:** he asked me n danny too

 **ducky:** ok nvm youre forgiven

 **boyalpha:** wait what

 **sourwolf:** dont worry about it scott

 **boyalpha:** but,,,,,

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thats all the sterek youre getting for rn lmao


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jackson is in beacon boys

_**'beacon hells'** _

 

 **ducky:** do u guys wanna see something beautiful

 **moonbeam:** always

 **sourpuppy:** no

 **ducky:** well suck an ass cora

**[ ducky sent itsjacks.jpg ]**

**moonbeam:** WHY IS JACKSON WITH YOU WHAT

 **hacker voice:** what the fuck

 **snakeemoji:** i know i'm gorgeous stiles no need to point it out

 **ducky:** i'm letting you sleep in my house shut the fuck up

 **sourwolf:** why did none of us here about this

 **ducky:** because he literally texted me and asked while he was at the airport this morning

 **snakeemoji:** i love the drama also

 **hacker voice:** but why stiles

 **ducky:** we're friends believe it or not

 **ducky:** also my dad likes him for some reason

 **papastilinksi:** He's a good kid.

 **ducky:** oh fuck youre still here

 **papastilinski:** We all are, but not for long.

 **ducky:** that sounds very ominous

 

_**papastilinski left 'beacon hells'** _

_**argent left 'beacon hells'** _

_**creeperwolf left 'beacon hells'** _

 

 **sourwolf:** is it weird they all left at the same time

 **moonbeam:** no they were on a double date so

 **sourwolf:** thats still weird

 **snakeemoji:** i didnt get to ask before he left

 **snakeemoji:** does your dad still think we're dating stiles

 **ducky:** probably shrug emoji

 **moonbeam:** why would he think that

 **snakeemoji:** thats a great question

 **snakeemoji:** one you'll never get an answer to

 **sourwolf:** jackson answer it

 **snakeemoji:** no

 **ducky:** i agree w jacks whoops


	7. Chapter 7

_**[ 12:30pm ]** _

 

_**'beacon hells'** _

 

**snakeemoji:** hey who wants to explain to me why scott is outside stiles window screaming

**boyalpha:** i need answers to why the sheriff thinks y'all were dating

**hacker voice:** me too bc i'm both of ur guys' best friend so

**boyalpha:** i'm hurt i'm not sti's bff anymore but danny is worthy so

**ducky:** scott our parents r literally dating u've moved to brother status

**boyalpha:** big uwu

**ducky:** anyway why my dad thinks that is no ones business bc i dont wanna make jacks uncomfy by telling u all

**sourwolf:** ur so considerate its adorable

**ducky:** ur adorable

**sourwolf:** no u

**snakeemoji:** can u be any gayer

**ducky:** definitely

**sourwolf:** yea

**snakeemoji:** anyway im cool telling them but its more fun to let them suffer

**dumbar:** i literally only opened this fucking chat to hear this i stg jackson i'll skin u alive tell me right now

**toerake:** im sorry for him but also same

**moonbeam:** also same

**ducky:** lmao ok

**ducky:** so some shit happened & jacks came to talk to me bc i'm a great listener & we both started crying & somehow it ended up w me in his lap

**ducky:** & he left some serious hickies & my dad caught us lmao

**sourwolf:**.... when

**ducky:** uh..... right b4 he left for london & like we kept in touch & we'd have skype dinners w my dad to like assure jacks everyone was good

**snakeemoji:** b4 u get all jealous derek i'm completely not into stiles like i lov him & i owe him so much but i have my eye on someone even cuter

**brony:** why'd y'all pretend to hate each other

**ducky:** bc we used to but it turned into banter among comrades

**sourwolf:** that makes u sound like a communist

**ducky:** dude lmao fuck capitalism idc if i sound like a commie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short update bc i'm super fucking sick & life is hard


End file.
